ah i didn't mean to freak anyone out, thanks for your emails and your prayers... Ok my guess is not everyone has read this blog for the same length of time. I am fine. I have just been going deaf since i was about 12 or 13. I had a vaccination as a child that did not work the one for mumps, measles, and rubella. so i caught the mumps at about 12 ish. I lived through it, but when you get this you have a very high fever that causes deafness in some people. So since about last may i had waited for about 4 months to find out that the insides of my ears (the muscle that reads the noise) has not turned into bone and this means there is a surgery that can place a ( like a pace maker for your ear) on that muscle to make it work again. its some kind of an implant. you end up with things ( wires of some kind) coming out of your skull after and then have a box of some kind that fits to the wires on the outside like maybe a battery box or something, so if you want to go to sleep and ( turn your ears off you unplug the box at night) now the thing with me is i have to read everything. so, no i do not know what the name of this surgery is so i can not research it. no i do not know the surgeons name I now know what hospital he is in, but last night when we got home from dinner we plugged in the address for it into the computer and it looks like that hospital has 11 buildings. since i don't know the dr.s name i don't know which building i need. mostly i am thinking at this point to make a hotel reservation for when we go up to meet this surgeon in Oct. now a week ago my mil was told i would receive a packet in the mail from him that explains most everything, with maps and so on... so far the only thing i have received is an envelope with a bunch of sign off baloney on it. I don't know why they keep asking you the same stuff you'd think all the dr.s would be online and could share files... ( probably just another way to justify the arm and a leg that health care costs) such as the hysterical little its optional to give your ss number to them.... hahaha when mil was on the phone making the Oct. appointment they checked and verified the insurance i have over the phone while they had her on ignore and i dont know about you but I'm pretty sure my ss number is on the insurance card ( or it used to be) lol optional my rear end. So basically its just stuff like this, and it has been dragging on for months. and there are a lot of days it feels like no one really "gets it" from my point of view how crazy it makes me when i have to rely on everyone to do things for me. I have a phone girl at work... so one day i asked her to make a call to the local dr.s office and she wrote down the name they way she thought it may sound or be spelled like ( she was not smart enough to ask the lady at the other end how is that spelled exactly?) when trying to compare the list of dr.s and phone numbers on the what she wrote down to what the computer says exists is like hmmm there are two numbers that are close, and two names that are possible. and the whole thing makes me feel slightly crazy. Now one of the things that will happen after i actually have an appointment for this surgery is I will be in the hospital for a few weeks. I have to re-learn what each noise is... ( they have done this surgery on people born deaf and made them totally crazy because they have no verbal language to fall back on to remember) so, i have to go through some hearing therapy. oh yeah its my understanding they no longer put these implants into people born deaf because yes they do work... and they make all those people crazy. You get used to the quiet eventually. one of the other things you may not really know is i have become very almost hermit like in the last few years. When i finally reached the point where i could no longer talk on the phone, i sold off the buisness i used to run and I lost contact with people who are not online. (even family) now, my family has been divided since i was about 12 when my parents divorced and then later remarried. now, some of these people have not been in the same room together since we were married ( almost 18 years ago now) and now all these people all want to "be there" in the hospital when i have this surgery. I'm kinda hoping the packet will say you can have X amount of people here. because, i really dont feel like i want to go there knowing there are family members snipping at each other in the hallways. I avoid my family at great costs because of the fighting and the back biting comments all the time. so, the idea that they all want to "be there" for me is a little like hmmmm. in small doses i can take my family but all together at the same time is a disaster in the making is how i feel about it. i already know they can't behave together for any length of time so no, i don't think this would be any different. In the mean time i have a few more projects to get done for the Stamp Shack (details are coming soon i think?) and i am not going into my office today so i can stamp and get some things done. So, the week i do the second color combo challenge, i will be in Portland and so, i am uploading it all for Sherry to put into the CT page in advance but, i won't be there to smile at the stalker threads. I have been looking at the costs of lap top computers because the idea of being at the hospital for two weeks and off line and away from my immediate family is kinda like a panic thing too. but, so far have not bought one. Anyways the weather is dark and wet and gloomy here this morning, i think its gonna be a really good day! ( but maybe no photos to show for it haha) :) Have a good one yourself! and thanks for thinking of me!